Flowers of the Phoenix
Seeing the Beauty Around Us
Welcome to Flowers of the Phoenix!
“Flowers of the Phoenix” is a concept. It has developed over time.
When the photos were being taken, they were taken at a time historic in our world during the height of the COVID pandemic. On walks throughout the Long Beach CA area, Bolsa Chica Wetlands, Dominguez Gap, as well as in the Los Angeles National Forest.
They were also taken at a time when the artist was dealing with very difficult personal challenges in his life. One does not necessarily know that one is in an abusive relationship. I rationalized and justified the actions of the person whom I helped restore to full health, only to be physically assaulted- this after years of psychological and emotional abuse. Promises denied with defenses like “I never agreed to (wanting kids, moving to an actual home, etc….), I agreed with the IDEA of doing (that)!” And yes, the artist, believing in the best of humanity, allowed the lies and deceptions as “just who they are”.
Beauty can be found in even the darkest of moments – the most difficult of times. Some of these flowers are, in reality, scarcely more than a quarter of an inch in diameter. However, they are still beautiful.
We are all like the Phoenix, rising out of the ashes. Come celebrate with us by adopting a piece of history! Originally named “FLOWERS OF COVID” – friends of the artist suggested a change. Like the AIDS Pandemic, people were tired of hearing about COVID.
The pandemic is not over, however. Let’s all stay safe!
Our Overall Goal
Create Safe Community
To be spiritually, emotionally and mentally uplifting and encouraging of others.
Reduce & Reuse Plastics
To be responsible and take ownerships of the planet we have been given.
Exclusivity
By participating in this project, you get to be an exclusive member of the SOLUTION to Reducing, Reusing and Recycling plastics waste!
Togetherness
As a collective “we”, you will now know that you do not have to go through anything alone again.
Flowers of the Phoenix
When the sketches were drawn, they were done in the basement of a hospital where the artist worked. Numbers rising, stressors elevating, co-workers throughout the hospital being directly affected by this global pandemic – he had to find beauty and solace in the chaos, anxiety, and constant loss. The artist found photos of the past year (2020) and decided to start sketching them as a reminder that yes, beauty still exists during chaos.
There are entries about the flower itself, whether scientific or allegoric. Then are the entries from the author’s personal journal at the time the photos were taken as well as when the sketches were drawn.
Flowers of Phoenix
Once the sketches were complete, the artist asked Marie Barnidge McIntyre– horticulturalist for Rancho Los Cerritos – to help identify the flowers using the sketches and photos. A huge debt of gratitude to you, Marie, for your help. While we have mis-identified some, it is only due to the lack of more information (actual size of plant, flower, etc), and most of the scientific names are accurate. Please feel to correct if you find errors by sending us an email with the corrections.
Having all sixty sketches completed, Liezl Siojo encouraged the artist to display his works. Thanks to Liezl, the original series FLOWERS OF COVID has been made public to you in the first exhibit of the artists’ works since 2004.
All Series 1 sketch prints are signed and signature marked, making them one of a kind originals. Each are 4″x6″ framed with the option of hanging on a wall or placing on a desk or shelf. (photographs not included)
Click any menu item to expand for images
Abronia (adopted)
Journal Entry from May 26, 2020 7843
“OK, so here we go! Open-mindedness. I do not want to log in early to the meeting because I am tired of listening to ____’s insanity which he revels in. I resigned from my group. This is not a resentment. This is me taking care of myself. The group is acting irrationally and irresponsibly. Insanity is in charge. Self-will-run-riot on a large scale. I won’t participate in it.
I cannot in my heart go along with an action that goes against the “safer-at-home” health order. People are continually going to make decisions that go against what I believe is correct and OK, but I will not participate. I had not been a part of this group anyway. No one has reached out to me to be a part of for most things”
COVID 19 numbers were continually going up. The cases in the hospital in which I work were going up. As a respite from this insanity….
Desert Sand Verbena
Description: A soft-haired, sticky plant with bright pinkish purple, trumpet-shaped flowers in heads on stalks growing from leaf axils.
Flowers: Head 2-3″ (5-7.5 cm) wide; 5 lobes on end of “trumpet.”
Leaves: ½2-1½” (1.5-4 cm) long, opposite, ovate, with slightly wavy, scalloped edges.
Fruit: With 3-5 wings.
Height: Creeper; flower stalks to about 10″ (25 cm), trailing stems to 3′ (90 cm) long.
Flowering: March-October.
Habitat: Sandy, desert soil
Range: Southeastern California, southern Nevada, southwestern Utah, western Arizona, and northwestern Mexico.
Comments: Following ample winter rains, Desert Sand Verbena may carpet miles of desert with pink. There are several pink- or rose-flowered Abronia sand verbenas in the West, some erect with succulent leaves.
From National Audubon Society Field Guide to Wildflowers Western Region (c) 2001 Alfred A. Knopf
Series 1 Pieces Up for Adoption:
Journal Entry from May 26, 2020 7843
“OK, so here we go! Open-mindedness. I do not want to log in early to the meeting because I am tired of listening to ____’s insanity which he revels in. I resigned from my group. This is not a resentment. This is me taking care of myself. The group is acting irrationally and irresponsibly. Insanity is in charge. Self-will-run-riot on a large scale. I won’t participate in it.
I cannot in my heart go along with an action that goes against the “safer-at-home” health order. People are continually going to make decisions that go against what I believe is correct and OK, but I will not participate. I had not been a part of this group anyway. No one has reached out to me to be a part of for most things”
COVID 19 numbers were continually going up. The cases in the hospital in which I work were going up. As a respite from this insanity….
Yerba Mansa
Description: A grayish-green, patch-forming plant with cone-shaped spikes, each resembling 1
white flower.
Flowers: Spike 1-2′ (2.5-5 cm) long; several broad, white, petal-like bracts ½2- 1″ (1.5-2.5 cm) long at spike base; 1 small white bract beneath each tiny flower.
Leaves: To 6″ (15 cm) long, mostly oblong, erect.
Height: To 1 (30 cm).
Flowering: May-August.
Habitat: Low, moist, saline or alkaline places.
Range: Oregon, Nevada, Utah, Colorado, and Nebraska south through much of Southwest to Mexico.
Comments: The aromatic root has been put to many medicinal uses: treatment of abrasions,
cuts, and burns; a cure for a variety of gastrointestinal upsets; a poultice for rheumatism; and a tonic for blood purification.
From National Audubon Society Field Guide to Wildflowers Western Region (c) 2001 Alfred A. Knopf
May 8, 2020 7826
I am at work and it’s 2:40 pm. I just got through May 23 of S’s journals. I am upset with J that he does not care whether or not the house is a mess or not. I am stressed out enough with my job that I don’t need to babysit him as well.
COYOTE BRUSH, or CHAPARRAL BROOM, (Baccharis pilularis) ranges from San Diego County, California, along the coast northward to Tillamook County, Oregon. In central
California it also grows in the Sierra Nevada foothills. This evergreen shrub often forms pure stands and is able to tolerate poor soils and windswept conditions. Although it is hardly
a dazzling ornamental, its toughness has led a prostrate coastal race to be widely planted as a durable ground cover. Coyote brush is unusual for a member of the sunflower family because it has separate sexes on separate plants. It begins to flower in August, and the male plants can be distinguished from females because the flower heads of the two sexes are
visibly different. When the female plants go to seed, they become covered with white down from their wind-dispersed seeds and resemble giant cauliflowers.
“Introduction to shore wildflowers of California, Oregon, and Washington” (c) 2003 by The Regents of the University of California
May 11, 2020 7829
It’s 10:55 am and I am up in the newly remodeled studio J and I worked on last Sunday. This is our first time working together separately in the space. I am listening to Moonlight Cocktail and typing this journal. I just got off the phone with my Sistah RM and had a good cry missing John Holland Emigh Jr, who died 29 years ago tomorrow.
His sister Pat and I had to take him out of St. Mary against medical advice. Dr. “what the f**k” wouldn’t tell John that his liver was failing, and I had to tell him myself. His wishes were to die at home, and we heard the news on Weds or Thurs. So, 29 years ago John was in the bedroom in a hospital bed, and I was doing something like going stark raving crazy sad. The thing is I can’t remember what Saturday was like, but Sunday the day he died is as clear as a bell as if it happened yesterday.
Do not dwell on the past. We do not regret the past, nor do we wish to shut the door on it. So much confusion in this thing called recovery.
OK so back to today. I texted Misty and he’s going to get some lab tests done. I wish he would ask me to help him, but he doesn’t. Oh well. I texted P E, L O, C F, and posted in Long Beach Camerata’s group page. I did a little organizing, and was listening to Queen, Verdi’s Requiem, and all other sorts of songs randomly playing in my Itunes library.
Deep snot producing crying this morning. This feeling of loss has been with me for 29 years. I felt John’s spirit go through me when he died. That place will never be filled. It’s not possible because John is gone. There are other places in my heart, and one of them belongs to J. He has gone out of his way to show his love for me over the years.
It started with picking me up from school. Now Chicago’s “Make Me Smile” is playing. I am looking at three things – four things – five things – six things on my desk:
Candy Crush, Five Wishes – my “To do pile”; my book “Money Talks”, S’s Journal, and a blank cork board.
I need to prioritize. I put S’s Journal first because I have put family first on my “things to do” list. I did Aunt Evelyn’s; Sisters, M’s and now S’s letters.
I am going to just do that now and leave the rest to go. I will run through my Things to do pile now actually so that I am not forgetting to do anything important. S’s journal can wait until I am at work later today during the slow times, which is when I have been retyping them.
I worked out for a bit – abs- calisthenics, (had to google that one), and a bit of cardio. I have two hours – actually an hour and 45 minutes before I go to work. How am I going to spend these? First things first, recovery. God, I offer myself to thee, to do with me and build with me as thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do thy will. Take away my difficulties, so that they may bear witness to those I would help of thy power, thy love, and thy way of life. May I do thy will always.
I went through the working file and there’s nothing important there, however there are some projects and other things I want to keep for serendipity. Now, on to getting Student Loans paid!
Desert Marigold
Description: A grayish, woolly plant, branched and leafy mostly in lower half, with brilliant six yellow flower heads, 1 borne atop each of many nearly leafless stalks.
Flowers: Head 1½-2″ (4-5 cm) wide; rays 25-50, oblong, after seed-set becoming papery and remaining on head; lacking scales among disk flowers.
Leaves: Blades 1½-3″ (4-8 cm) long, broadly ovate, pinnately divided into broad lobes, which are again divided or with roundish teeth.
Fruit: Seed-like, pale tan or chalky white, lacking bristles or scales at tip.
Height: 12-20″ (30-50 cm).
Flowering: April-October.
Habitat: Sandy or gravelly areas in deserts; common along roadsides.
Range: Southern Utah south to southeastern California, western Texas, and northern
Mexico.
Comments: Dense patches often form solid strips of yellow along miles of desert roads. In gardens a single plant grows into a perfect hemisphere of yellow, blooming throughout the hot summer and into the fall. The common name marigold, given to several species of Asteraceae with sunny yellow or orange flowers, comes from “Mary’s Gold,” in honor of the Virgin Mary.
From National Audubon Society Field Guide to Wildflowers Western Region (c) 2001 Alfred A. Knopf
Journal Entry from March 27, 2020 noon 7784
I woke up at 5:15 this morning wide awake. I was moved to do something, but I didn’t know what. Up until this point, since my last entry, so much has happened.
Trying to be of service – reading the daily (Envisioning myself in a TV interview with Ellen or someone) UGH! Updates from the mayor. So on March 24, the SAFER AT HOME order came. Until that point, parks, beaches, etc.. were not closed. That all changed Tuesday 3/24/20. I did not read this until I got home.
So Tues 10am met car-to-car with Carol. 6’ distance – yes I measured. Then to Roosevelt Park where I met with M and D. Then what? I walked to the beach and parked right? No. I called T & she called me back. I went to COSTCO. No, that was Monday. I went to Home Depot – bought rope, piping, coupler, flagging tape. Went hoe & got to work creating solutions.
SEE WHAT CHANGES in a day/week/month/year/5 years/10 years. What if no cell/internet?
David B died in his sleep last night. I read it this morning on a FB post through a message from C G. I have known David for over 20 years. My first personal contact with him when he lived with L P on Esperanza between 1st and 2nd St. They were heavy smokers and L was a great cook! They had their quarrels like any roommates would have, but they never were hurtful nor physical for as much as I know. David had a smile that just made everything better, no matter how much I hurt, or what drama I was going through (self-created of course!).
He liked his young men scrappy – long hair, tall and lanky. I don’t know how he liked his women, but if L was one of them, he liked them beautiful, voluptuous, mouthy and kind, with a bit of an edge.
He was a handyman. He was also a Veteran. I don’t remember if he served in a war, but I don’t think he did. I would have stopped over their place more often if they didn’t smoke so much. The place always reeked of stale cigarettes.
He got a pair of rollerblades & he loved them! He was seen all over Long Beach rollerblading, and he inspired me to get a pair of my own. I can’t recall where I got mine, but I do remember only paying $40 for a $250 pair! I recall thinking “I don’t need wrist guards”, and the very first day – BAM! Right on my ass, and I tried to stop my fall with my hands. Wrist guards every time since! (and interestingly no falls since…HMMM!)
Then his fall. It happened when he took a job working on one of D J’s friend’s home. Dave climbed up on a ladder and fell through the rungs, breaking his leg in two or three places – Horrific.
Then the rest of his life was one struggle after another. What does one learn from something like this? His physical pain was compounded by numerous expectations that had arisen out of the hope that things were going to “get back to how they were”. First that he would walk again – which he did after years of fighting – however it wasn’t until he had his leg amputated and was walking on a prosthetic.
Journal Entry from May 26, 2020 7843
“OK, so here we go! Open-mindedness. I do not want to log in early to the meeting because I am tired of listening to ____’s insanity which he revels in. I resigned from my group. This is not a resentment. This is me taking care of myself. The group is acting irrationally and irresponsibly. Insanity is in charge. Self-will-run-riot on a large scale. I won’t participate in it.
I cannot in my heart go along with an action that goes against the “safer-at-home” health order. People are continually going to make decisions that go against what I believe is correct and OK, but I will not participate. I had not been a part of this group anyway. No one has reached out to me to be a part of for most things”
COVID 19 numbers were continually going up. The cases in the hospital in which I work were going up. As a respite from this insanity….
The mustard family (Brassicaceae), with its four sepals and petals and superior ovary, is common and has several representatives along the coast. A fleshy, branched, and glabrous
species is SEA-ROCKET (Cakile maritima). Its seedpod is fleshy and transversely two jointed. This plant, introduced from Europe, is found on beach sand from Monterey County to Mendocino County, California. Its leaves are pinnatifid (deeply divided, almost to the midrib), and the petals are almost half-an-inch long. Another species is California sea-rocket (C. edentula) now rarely encountered but once quite common. The leaves are merely wavy toothed, and the petals are one-fourth inch long. This plant’s common name is perhaps misleading because it was introduced here from the east coast. It is
found on the west coast from San Diego to British Columbia.,
“Introduction to shore wildflowers of California, Oregon, and Washington” (c) 2003 by The Regents of the University of California
Journal Entry from May 26, 2020 7843
“OK, so here we go! Open-mindedness. I do not want to log in early to the meeting because I am tired of listening to ____’s insanity which he revels in. I resigned from my group. This is not a resentment. This is me taking care of myself. The group is acting irrationally and irresponsibly. Insanity is in charge. Self-will-run-riot on a large scale. I won’t participate in it.
I cannot in my heart go along with an action that goes against the “safer-at-home” health order. People are continually going to make decisions that go against what I believe is correct and OK, but I will not participate. I had not been a part of this group anyway. No one has reached out to me to be a part of for most things”
COVID 19 numbers were continually going up. The cases in the hospital in which I work were going up. As a respite from this insanity….
BEACH-PRIMROSE (Camissonia cheiranthifolia), like sun cup
(C. ovata), is also a day bloomer. A perennial with more or less prostrate stems radiating from a central rosette of leaves, it is usually grayish hairy throughout and forms large mats in full maturity. The yellow petals may turn red in age and may be one-fourth to two-thirds of
an inch long. Growing on the coastal strand, this plant occurs from Coos County, Oregon, southward. From Point Conception to northern Baja California, it is more woody and has larger
flowers than those occurring north of Santa Barbara County.
“Introduction to shore wildflowers of California, Oregon, and Washington” (c) 2003 by The Regents of the University of California
May 16, 2020 7834
It’s 8:04 a.m. Forgiveness is the topic of today’s Daily Reflections. I forgive. I forgive T, M, T, T, and C for not showing up nor responding to my ZOOM request for Mother’s Day. I forgive J for not doing the dishes, nor keeping up on the housework he said he would do in a way that is acceptable to me. I have to accept his doing it his way, and I need to forgive myself for being judgmental toward him for doing it his way.
I just went down to help J dry the dishes. Compromise. He didn’t ask for it. I am tired of myself sometimes. He said what he said, and has lived up to that to the best of his ability.
Now on to S’s Journal
9 a.m.
Today’s questions from Chaplain Kathy:
What are my needs that are not being met?
What are my longings?
What makes me valuable?
What/who defines me?
What does truth mean to me?
From 11/27/2020 8031
Day after Thanksgiving. Not very loving and forgiving. And not something I am grateful to acknowledge. I just give up. He is who he is, and for the life of me, I can’t understand how & why I put up with all of this crap for as long as I have. I love him. But seriously, Whiskey Tango Foxtrot?
Journal Entry from May 26, 2020 7843
“OK, so here we go! Open-mindedness. I do not want to log in early to the meeting because I am tired of listening to ____’s insanity which he revels in. I resigned from my group. This is not a resentment. This is me taking care of myself. The group is acting irrationally and irresponsibly. Insanity is in charge. Self-will-run-riot on a large scale. I won’t participate in it.
I cannot in my heart go along with an action that goes against the “safer-at-home” health order. People are continually going to make decisions that go against what I believe is correct and OK, but I will not participate. I had not been a part of this group anyway. No one has reached out to me to be a part of for most things”
COVID 19 numbers were continually going up. The cases in the hospital in which I work were going up. As a respite from this insanity….
Yellow Star Thistle
Description: A slender branched, grayish-hairy plant with wing-like ridges along stem and small rayless, bright yellow flower heads with lustrous, sharp, golden spines.
Flowers: Head about 12-%” (12-16 mm) wide, slightly longer; spines each ¾-1′ (1-2.5 cm) long, spreading.
Leaves: Those at base 2-3″ (5-8 cm) long, deeply lobed; those on stem smaller, not lobed, bases continuing down stem with wing-like ridges.
Height: 4-39″ (10-100 cm).
Flowering: May-October.
Habitat: Disturbed areas, pastures, and dry grasslands and hillsides.
Range: Washington south to California and east to Utah and Idaho.
Comments: Native to Europe, this invasive plant is spreading across the western United States. It grows in dense stands that are painful to walk through because of the piercing spines. If continually eaten, it is
poisonous to horses. A virtue, however, is that it produces a fine light honey. This unloved weed is a relative of Bachelor’s Button (C. cyaneus). A similar but less showy plant, Tocolote (C. melitensis), has smaller spines on the flower heads, the longest only about 1/4 – 3/8″ (5-10 mm) long; it, too, has been
introduced from Europe and is rapidly spreading in western North America.
From National Audubon Society Field Guide to Wildflowers Western Region (c) 2001 Alfred A. Knopf
Clarkia taken 4/25/2020 2:23pm Santa Ana River Bike trail
Journal Entry 4/26/2020 7814
So I drove to the top of the parking structure and the art installation “SOCIAL DISTANCE” was removed. I would have removed it myself and told Loni this in my voice message to him. It’s okay. Gift was not received. Hello Humankindess!
I was of the understanding that Administration was for the idea because Art told me the day I began installing it that he received a phone call from administration. “Someone in administration” said it was a good idea. I took that as a go-ahead. So I started installing it on Friday April 3 and completed it Easter Sunday 4/6/2020. This is the second-to-last page of this journal. I want it to contain only happy thoughts and memories:
I listed over 80 highlights of my life: of those I select these:
My first Long Beach Pride Festival in 1988
Being on stage with Nell Carter
Book for KGAY Radio show Gay Men’s Chorus of Long Beach
My first art opening at Futon Gallery in Long Beach
Winning the DAAG award for my performance of Samuel Barber’s “Where the Daisies Are”
My senior recital CSULB
RHOMBOID CLARKIA (Clarkia rhomboidea) is in the second section of the Clarkia genus. It differs from the godetia group in having a petal that is much narrower below the expanded tip. When in bud, the top of the flowering stem of rhomboid clarkia bends over but becomes erect when the flowers bloom. The rose purple to lavender petals are usually spotted with small, darker purple specks. This plant is found in woodlands and forests in most of montane California below 8,000 feet. It blooms from May to July. Another common Clarkia species often encountered that also has the lower parts of its petals narrowed is elegant clarkia (C. unguiculata). The upper part of the deep pink petal is almost triangular, and the stem is erect in bud, although the buds themselves are pendent or reflexed. The sepals are fused and all spreading to one side. The plant is often very branched and can reach a height of three feet or more. Rhomboid clarkia is found in wooded areas throughout most of California and blooms from May to June.
“Introduction to California mountain wildflowers”
University of California Press (c) 2003 By the regents of the University of California
Cuphea ignea
Cuphea ignea, the cigar plant, cigar flower, firecracker plant, or Mexican cigar, is a species of flowering plant in the genus Cuphea of the family Lythraceae. It is a tropical, densely branched evergreen subshrub. This species, native to Mexico and the West Indies, produces small, tubular, bright red to orange flowers. Each flower is tipped with a thin white rim and two small purple-black petals. The flowers, which are attractive to hummingbirds and butterflies, resemble lit cigars, hence the name ignea, which is Latin for “fiery”.The genus name Cuphea comes from the Greek word kyphos which means curved or humped; this is thought to refer to the shape of the seeds. The leaves are small, elliptical and of a bright green colour. It grows to about 60 cm (24 in).
From Wikipedia
Cuphea ignea 10/21/2020
Journal Entry 10/18/2020
I have a need to be needed. When did that start? I don’t know. Obviously, I have been blind to my own reality for most of my life. I have not been given the gift of seeking my truth until I came into recovery. Recovery taught me that my primary purpose is to recover, and help others achieve recovery.
TPAJ, I release you. I guess I thought you were closer to me than my mind thought – so there’s my mind again. I saved you and your son thousands of dollars. I thought we were “family”. Once again, I chose my family – rejected and abused for being who I am.
I need to find out from myself what it is about me that I am doing, feeling, and thinking that attracts those in my life who only wat to use me for what they can get out of me.
I am not going to get to have a big sister in my life. So I was using her to be that big sister – and sure enough, I was rejected by her as not being family.
However, I do have WJK. I do have J, J, M &D.
Horses and dogs. I have always been a cowboy at heart. The cowboy code has always spoken to me. Judging that and rejecting that has caused me great pain. California Cowboy from Colorado. So, I let go and let god. I embrace my inner cowboy. Silk shirt – silk tie – diamond ring – these I got from my mom proved to me that I was seen by her as being valuable to her.
Cuphea ignea 10/25/2020
From 10/23/2020 7994
TJ, I pray for your health, wealth and happiness. I am sorry your life did not turn out well for you after treatment. I apologize for not telling you at the outset – wait – I did tell you that you could get angry with me – that I would be able to take it due to your treatment. But your treatment has ended, Now you’re just being a b with an itch because life isn’t going your way. It’s not my fault. And I will no longer be there for you. Your treatment is over and so is my promise to you – it has ended. You got through it. And I allowed you to take advantage of me. I did so out of some messed up idea that I was going to get to have sex with B. And I thought I was like family to you. Obviously not. I got to make my own Christmas gift! Wow! So thoughtful. Then you criticized me and acted like I did something messed up by asking a clarifying question. Thanks, but no thanks. I deserve better. B, I apologize for sexualizing you. And thank you for one of the best Thanksgivings I have ever had. Good luck to you both.
Cyclamen is a genus of 23 species of perennial flowering plants in the family Primulaceae. Cyclamen species are native to Europe and the Mediterranean Basin east to the Caucasus and Iran, with one species in Somalia. They grow from tubers and are valued for their flowers with upswept petals and variably patterned leaves.
It was traditionally classified in the family Primulaceae, was reclassified in the family Myrsinaceae in 2000and finally, in 2009 with the introduction of the APG III system, was returned to the subfamily Myrsinoideae within the family Primulaceae.
From Wikipedia
Cyclemen periscum taken 4/12/2020 9:48am on my patio
Journal Entry 4/12/2020 7800
I confronted J with his lying today. “I need you to tell me immediately when you lie to me no matter how insignificant you may think it is. Will you do that?” We’ll see.
If we have no relationship based upon rigorous honesty there can be no trust.
Aside from the things I know would be hurtful to him, and over the past 11 years there have been a few – like his extreme insecurity
- His inability to make decisions & act on them out of fear of making a mistake and looking foolish
- Like his thinking he is the best sexual partner ever – ugh this morning I thought I was going to puke he was so into himself.
These things I do not say.
I am married to an alcoholic/addict. I was working the graveyard shift full time and going to school full time and was active playing in the leather scene.
I fell in love with J immediately. Why? Because he sounded good when he shared originally. No BS. I was immediately attracted to him, but did not act on it.
I continued playing. I had broken it off with MK and MA before him. I need to look at my journals before January 16, 2009. I really need to look honestly at these.
Cyclemen periscum 11/19/2020
11/15/2020 8019
Today was the best day since March! Truly, J and I had great sex which started yesterday & went into today (this morning). Then we put the bikes on the back of the car & drove to the Bluffs for yoga. D didn’t show up until 11:15 but that was fine. People were socially distancing for the most part, as we kept our masks on for the whole practice. There seemed to be no room left on the grass from what I could see, which is the largest group I have attended there. A gorgeous day.
Then, when it was all finished (I have to say I was very impressed with my level of flexibility since I had not practiced in a while), we got on the bikes & rode down to Belmont Shore (Argonne & 2nd) one block west of Granada for juices J wanted. Then we rode back. When we got back to the car, we heard a Dixieland band playing. It was so upbeat, it made my day!
Cymbdium orchid
The history of orchids is of lust, greed, and wealth. The most famous orchid,the vanilla orchid, was thought to promote strength in the Aztecs, who drank vanilla mixed in chocolate. The name “vanilla” is derived from the Latin vaina, “sheath,” and probably refers to the shape of the seed pod, or vanilla bean, but it has the same root as “vagina.” At first Westerners did not appreciate it: “our Privateers . . . have often thrown (vanilla] away when they took any, wondering why the Spaniards should lay up Tobacco stems,” wrote the pirate and botanist William Dampier, who was the darling of London society when not capturing ships and killing their crews. But by 1753, Linnaeus recommended vanilla as an aphrodisiac in Materia Medica, which listed sixty-nine species of orchid. The name comes from the Greek orchis, “testicle.” The tubers of Mediterranean orchids resemble paired testicles of different sizes, the smaller storing the previous year’s food. The popular cattleya orchid was named 1818 for William Cattley, who received it as packing around other plants. But after it flowered, it died, and wasn’t found again for years. At a ball in Paris an orchid enthusiast noticed one in the cleavage of a South American ambassadoress. Immediately he inquired where it came from, and it was traced to Brazil. The cattleya lives up to the orchid’s lascivious reputation in Marcel Proust’s Swann’s Way, when Swann offers to fasten one “a little more securely” in”the cleft of [Odette’s] low-necked bodice.” He then suggests he should “brush off” the pollen fallen from it, and the rest follows. Other orchids are called “ladies’ fingers” or “ladies’ tresses, “long purples,” or, as Ophelia says, “a grosser name.” The paphiopedilum orchids are named for Phaphos, the site of a temple on Cyprus where Aphrodite was worshipped and prostitutes were available, and for pedilon, “a slipper.” All in all orchids are, even in their names, closely connected with the power that “geveth lust unto the workes of generacyon and multiplycacyon of sperma” (Hieronymous Braunschweig, Book of Distillation). The sexual behavior of orchids has baffled botanists since they first began to be studied. To germinate, their seeds need to be penetrated by fungus threads. Orchids go to extremes to propagate themselves, just as those who sought to acquire them went to extremes to show off their wealth and power. In the nineteenth century orchids were collected by the ton. Once, four thousand trees were cut down for the orchids growing on them. One collector alone was said to have sent one hundred thousand orchids to England, many of which died. Wilhelm Micholitz sent home an orchid growing in a human skull, which was auctioned for a huge sum complete with container. Orchid hunters mostly searched for riches rather than knowledge of the wondrous plant world. Nobody seemed to care that huge areas were stripped of native orchids, and we cannot much pity collectors who met with trouble. Even now, orchids are more often corsages for the rich than comfort for those who live in poor places. Their beauty although undeniable, is not the beauty of simplicity.
* 100 Flowers and how they got their names by Diana Wells Algonquin Books of Chapel Hill 1997
Cymbidium Orchid taken 3/30/2020 at 1:53pm on the porch OC
Journal Entry 3/30/2020 Monday 7787
At work waiting for 3:30pm? 😊
Very busy morning!
- Started with working on my book – “Money Talks” . Called JJ who gave me plenty of work to do for the next two weeks!
- Started gathering info for Rule 62 Group Conscience. Phone numbers, emails. > need to set up group conscience meeting > need to get agenda items to all secretaries.
- Tried to set up Zoom from my computer all morning – fail – set up via phone tomorrow.
OK so now it’s 3:40pm and I was able to take the 3:30.20 3/30/20 picture I wanted to.
I am waiting further direction. Phone call for Dr’s office. I believe in my heart I did the right thing by tying to get the Visual 6’ Social Distancing message out. I didn’t sell it. It came as intuition & driven by fear. Fear that 10s of thousands of Long Beach residents will be carrying this virus. 3/30/2020 115 in Long Beach.
So we have a pandemic on our hands. Do not touch surfaces then put your hands to your mouth or face. OK 6:30 OK. I just sent an email to Chuck and Loni. I also sent an email to Mayor Garcia & Dee Andrews. I also sent an email to M Mc. We need constructive models of social distancing. USING HUMANS!
Cymbidium Orchid 11/18/2020
11/15/2020 8019
Today was the best day since March! Truly, J and I had great sex which started yesterday & went into today (this morning). Then we put the bikes on the back of the car & drove to the Bluffs for yoga. D didn’t show up until 11:15 but that was fine. People were socially distancing for the most part, as we kept our masks on for the whole practice. There seemed to be no room left on the grass from what I could see, which is the largest group I have attended there. A gorgeous day.
Then, when it was all finished (I have to say I was very impressed with my level of flexibility since I had not practiced in a while), we got on the bikes & rode down to Belmont Shore (Argonne & 2nd) one block west of Granada for juices J wanted. Then we rode back. When we got back to the car, we heard a Dixieland band playing. It was so upbeat, it made my day!
Deinandra fasciculata
Deinandra is a genus of flowering plants in the tribe Madieae within the family Asteraceae. Such a genus is not recognized as distinct by all authorities; its species are often treated as members of the genus Hemizonia
From Wikipedia
Deinandra fasciculata taken 5/26/2020 1:58pm at Bolsa Chica Natural Preserve aka Wetlands
Journal Entry from May 26, 2020 7843
“OK, so here we go! Open-mindedness. I do not want to log in early to the meeting because I am tired of listening to ____’s insanity which he revels in. I resigned from my group. This is not a resentment. This is me taking care of myself. The group is acting irrationally and irresponsibly. Insanity is in charge. Self-will-run-riot on a large scale. I won’t participate in it.
I cannot in my heart go along with an action that goes against the “safer-at-home” health order. People are continually going to make decisions that go against what I believe is correct and OK, but I will not participate. I had not been a part of this group anyway. No one has reached out to me to be a part of for most things”
COVID 19 numbers were continually going up. The cases in the hospital in which I work were going up. As a respite from this insanity….
Deinandra fasciculata 12/18/2020
8052 7:19am
I am at work again. I emailed C to let him know I did not receive an email regarding the change in cafeteria hours. I have a fear that I am being conspired against once again. I have been left out of so many things in my life, I can’t count them.
I have to forgive T, pains me as it does. She is just being who she is. I feel so sad right now I don’t know why this sadness is overtaking me. I am here to be of service to others. I am a PBX operator. I help people get to the people they need to help people get better. That’s my job. I dispatch security officers. I provide patient information. I connect people to various departments. I connect family members to their loved ones. Friends too. I connect employees in one department to employees in other departments. I look up “who’s on call” for doctors and nurses. So if I am getting set up to being fired/let go – I guess it’s supposed to happen. I have not been given any warning nor indication from ANYONE that my performance is not good.
This species has sarmentous stems with branches bearing lily- like flowers 6-8 cm (2.3-3.1in) wide, white with yellow central markings. Growing up to 60cm (24in) in height and 30-60cm (12-24in) in spread, it forms dense basal tufts in the shape of an extended fan. Its preferred habitat is in semi-shade under tall, open trees. It has white flowers marked with yellow and violet, with six free tepals that are not joined into a tube at their bases. These flowers last only for a few days.
The seedpods of the plant often bend the stalks down to the ground where they have a better chance of propagating a new generation of plants.
From Wikipedia
dietes iridioides taken 4/12/2020 9:45am Courtyard of Olive Court Long Beach
Journal Entry 4/12/2020 7800
I confronted J with his lying today. “I need you to tell me immediately when you lie to me no matter how insignificant you may think it is. Will you do that?” We’ll see.
If we have no relationship based upon rigorous honesty there can be no trust.
Aside from the things I know would be hurtful to him, and over the past 11 years there have been a few – like his extreme insecurity
- His inability to make decisions & act on them out of fear of making a mistake and looking foolish
- Like his thinking he is the best sexual partner ever – ugh this morning I thought I was going to puke he was so into himself.
These things I do not say.
I am married to an alcoholic/addict. I was working the graveyard shift full time and going to school full time and was active playing in the leather scene.
I fell in love with J immediately. Why? Because he sounded good when he shared originally. No BS. I was immediately attracted to him but did not act on it.
I continued playing. I had broken it off with MK and MA before him. I need to look at my journals before January 16, 2009. I really need to look honestly at these.
dietes iridioides 11/9/2020
David B died in his sleep last night. I read it this morning on a FB post through a message from C G. I have known David for over 20 years. My first personal contact with him when he lived with L P on Esperanza between 1st and 2nd St. They were heavy smokers and L was a great cook! They had their alcoholic quarrels like any roommates would have, but they never were hurtful nor physical for as much as I know. David had a smile that just made everything better, no matter how much I hurt, or what drama I was going through (self-created of course!).
He liked his young men scrappy – long hair, tall and lanky. I don’t know how he liked his women, but if L was one of them, he liked them beautiful, voluptuous, mouthy and kind, with a bit of an edge.
He was a handyman. He was also a Veteran. I don’t remember if he served in a war, but I don’t think he did. I would have stopped over their place more often if they didn’t smoke so much. The place always reeked of stale cigarettes.
He got a pair of rollerblades & he loved them! He was seen all over Long Beach Rollerblading, and he inspired me to get a pair of my own. I can’t recall where I got mine, but I do remember only paying $40 for a $250 pair! I recall thinking “I don’t need wrist guards”, and the very first day – BAM! Right on my ass, and I tried to stop my fall with my hands. Wrist guards every time since! (and interestingly no falls since…HMMM!)
Then his fall. It happened when he took a job working on one of D J’s friend’s home. Dave when up on a ladder and fell through the rungs, breaking his leg in two or three places – Horrific.
Then all of his life was one struggle after another. What does one learn from something like this? His physical pain was compounded by numerous expectations that had arisien out of the hope that things were going to “get back to how they were”. First that he would walk again – which he did after years of fighting – however it wasn’t until he had his leg amputated and was walking on a prosthetic.
Dimorphotheca Jucunda*Dimorphotheca jucunda
Dimorphotheca jucunda, the delightful African daisy, is a species of flowering plant in the family Asteraceae. It is native to South Africa, Lesotho and Eswatini, and introduced to Ireland and Tasmania. As its synonym Osteospermum jucundum, it and two of its cultivars, ‘Blackthorn Seedling’ and ‘Langtrees’ have gained the Royal Horticultural Society‘s Award of Garden Merit.
From Wikipedia
Dimorphotheca jucunda taken 5/26/2020 2:55pm at Bolsa Chica Natural Preserve aka Wetlands
Journal Entry from May 26, 2020 7843
“OK, so here we go! Open-mindedness. I do not want to log in early to the meeting because I am tired of listening to ____’s insanity which he revels in. I resigned from my group. This is not a resentment. This is me taking care of myself. The group is acting irrationally and irresponsibly. Insanity is in charge. Self-will-run-riot on a large scale. I won’t participate in it.
I cannot in my heart go along with an action that goes against the “safer-at-home” health order. People are continually going to make decisions that go against what I believe is correct and OK, but I will not participate. I had not been a part of this group anyway. No one has reached out to me to be a part of for most things”
COVID 19 numbers were continually going up. The cases in the hospital in which I work were going up. As a respite from this insanity….
Dimorphotheca jucunda 1/8/2021
From 1/7/2021 8072
J consoled me today through the food that he fed me, the cookie he brought down. Though I am not going to get a warm embracing loving hug, he is doing his best. Which is sad and unfortunate for me.
J made salmon chowder yesterday & we had it for lunch today. He also bought some oysters from a seafood house (4th & Cherry?) Anyway, they were huge. He fried them & they were tasty. I shucked them all.
R invited me to his Acceptance Group. I am a tiny tiny speck on this planet with very little influence upon others.
Voted for Objection
8 Senators
148 House Members
So here am once again at the same point of my life I have visited over and over and over again. I have a God. Obviously this God has kept me in this position in the basement of the hospital. Why? I haven’t taken any action -real action in obtaining other employment. Why? I honestly don’t know. Probably my alcoholic mind. I have had NO information from ANYONE that I am wanted or needed ANYWHERE. It’s when these hours – now 5 hours of work are basically me sitting here waiting for something to happen. BLAH BLAH BLAH.
SO Whiskey Tango Foxtrot?
I this not just a mid-life crisis? Is this just me grieving Lacey’s death? Is this my adjusting to the Pfiezer COVID vaccine I just received Friday?
Projects Projects Projects
CD’s Flowers of COVID Organizing my music – do I just throw it all away?
Encelia farinose (californica)
Brittlebush; Incienso
Description: A round, silvery-gray, leafy bush with bright yellow flower heads in loosely branched clusters on branched stalks well above foliage.
Flowers: Head 2-3″ (5-7.5 cm) wide; rays 8-18, each ¼-½” (6-15 mm) long, yellow; central disk yellow (brown in southern part of range), with disk flowers enfolded by scales.
Leaves: 1¼-4′ (3-10 cm) long, ovate, hairy, with petioles.
Fruit: Seed-like, lacking hairs or scales at tip.
Height: 3-5′ (90-150 cm).
Flowering: March-June.
Habitat: Dry slopes and washes in deserts.
Range: Southwestern Utah south through western Arizona, southern Nevada, and southeastern California to northwestern Mexico.
Comments: In full flower, this plant seems a solid hemisphere of brilliant yellow. The stems exude a fragrant resin that was chewed by the Tungva, Chumash , and other indigenous peoples; used as incense in churches in Baja California, hence the common name Incienso. A similar species, California Encelia (E. californica), which grows near the southern California coast, has only one head on each stalk.
From National Audubon Society Field Guide to Wildflowers Western Region (c) 2001 Alfred A. Knopf
taken 5/26/2020 1:58pm at Bolsa Chica Natural Preserve aka Wetlands
“OK, so here we go! Open-mindedness. I do not want to log in early to the meeting because I am tired of listening to ____’s insanity which he revels in. I resigned from my group. This is not a resentment. This is me taking care of myself. The group is acting irrationally and irresponsibly. Insanity is in charge. Self-will-run-riot on a large scale. I won’t participate in it.
I cannot in my heart go along with an action that goes against the “safer-at-home” health order. People are continually going to make decisions that go against what I believe is correct and OK, but I will not participate. I had not been a part of this group anyway. No one has reached out to me to be a part of for most things”
COVID 19 numbers were continually going up. The cases in the hospital in which I work were going up. As a respite from this insanity….
Sketch drawn 12/17/2020
8051 7:18am
Stay present. In the moment. Be present. In the now. Forgetting everything’s all right. I can do this. I can stay available to help others today. Daryus – thank you for a wonderful dream – whomever you are!
Epiphyllum hookeri taken 5/23/2020 11:27pm on my patio Olive Court
Journal 5/22/2020
At work. I acted out yesterday thinking about A, K and J. K and J are just Twitter ® accounts. A has been in my life for over a year.
He does not instigate text anymore. I have been the one initiating conversations. No, we both have. He video chatted me for my birthday & it’s been a mix of sharing, But I obsess. He & our relationship are in God’s hands. What does he have to give to me? What do I have to give to him?
So J was on a bike ride yesterday when I got home, so I went on Twitter® & acted out to K and J with a little bit of A pinched in. I was totally wiped out. I had waited until J came home – spied on him and stayed in bed awake but not moving. I waited for him to do something, It took a while but eventually he touched me and I responded.
It was a very difficult evening for me. Technology overload. J was yelling into the HOA meeting he was hosting. N called & he told me he could hear J so he hung up. I was to host a meeting for OV, and it cancelled. SO I started to watch “Becoming” which is about M Obama AND I LOVED IT!
I finally slept a full 8 hours. I got into bed at 9:30pm and didn’t budge until 5:45am! THANK YOU, GOD! NOW at work I just got done texting R. On to S’s journal.
No current journal entry.
Erigeron glaucus taken 6/10/2020 3:49pm at Bluff Park, Long Beach
Pain and Powerlessness. 6/8/2020
I feel pain right now and I don’t know where it emanates from. What is it’s source? Desire for A? Desire for living a different life? Disappointment that once again J has not been anything that I expected him to be? He was in a meeting – he has been “in meetings” more like a troll than a participant – half in – half out. What does this have to do with me? For some strange reason I though what I heard early on when I first heard him was recovery.
However, the actions have really been that – half in – half out. When has he EVER put the needs of others ahead of himself? When has he EVER left because he has been called to help someone else?
And I stopped, too. I stopped sending cards. So, this month, I start back. I went upstairs to get cards, but the stamps were gone. I am going to go to the post office & buy some more. “I want to get away, I want to get away—I want to get away – I want to fly away – YEAH YEAH YEAH!” What am I wanting to get away from? Where is this desire to run away coming from?
J initiated sex with me this morning. It was all well and good until he stopped. I don’t know why but he faked an orgasm. I did not. I thought of D having sex with me & then I climaxed. I probably am going to have to change these words. Anyway, compulsive fantasy about DS. It’s been a few years since there has been any contact with him. Me moved to New York, got into a relationship.
Yesterday I was getting ready to meet with N. I noticed a very hot guy who seemed to be cruising the bathrooms. I thought about it, and then went on my way. Thankfully he did not cross my mind after that. I also have not fantasized at all about N. But instead, envisioned him getting involved with a strong woman in recovery. I did fantasize about A & still desire him. I am sure the feeling is not shared. So I just keep to my truth. I do want to go for a walk though, just not in this neighborhood. I can’t take this isolation anymore.
Erigeron glaucus 11/5/2020
David B died in his sleep last night. I read it this morning on a FB post through a message from CG. I have known David for over 20 years. My first personal contact with him when he lived with Linda P on Esperanza between 1st and 2nd St. They were heavy smokers and L was a great cook! They had their alcoholic quarrels like any roommates would have, but they never were hurtful nor physical for as much as I know. David had a smile that just made everything better, no matter how much I hurt, or what drama I was going through (self-created of course!).
He liked his young men scrappy – long hair, tall and lanky. I don’t know how he liked his women, but if L was one of them, he liked them beautiful, voluptuous, mouthy and kind, with a bit of an edge.
He was a handyman. He was also a Veteran. I don’t remember if he served in a war, but I don’t think he did. I would have stopped over their place more often if they didn’t smoke so much. The place always reeked of stale cigarettes.
He got a pair of rollerblades & he loved them! He was seen all over Long Beach Rollerblading, and he inspired me to get a pair of my own. I can’t recall where I got mine, but I do remember only paying $40 for a $250 pair! I recall thinking “I don’t need wrist guards”, and the very first day – BAM! Right on my ass, and I tried to stop my fall with my hands. Wrist guards every time since! (and interestingly no falls since…HMMM!)
Then his fall. It happened when he took a job working on one of DJ’s friend’s home. Dave when up on a ladder and fell through the rungs, breaking his leg in two or three places – Horrific.
Then all of his life was one struggle after another. What does one learn from something like this? His physical pain was compounded by numerous expectations that had arisien out of the hope that things were going to “get back to how they were”. First that he would walk again – which he did after years of fighting – however it wasn’t until he had his leg amputated and was walking on a prosthetic.
Encelia californica taken 5/26/2020 1:58pm at Bolsa Chica Natural Preserve aka Wetlands
Journal Entry from May 26, 2020 7843
“OK, so here we go! Open-mindedness. I do not want to log in early to the meeting because I am tired of listening to ____’s insanity which he revels in. I resigned from my group. This is not a resentment. This is me taking care of myself. The group is acting irrationally and irresponsibly. Insanity is in charge. Self-will-run-riot on a large scale. I won’t participate in it.
I cannot in my heart go along with an action that goes against the “safer-at-home” health order. People are continually going to make decisions that go against what I believe is correct and OK, but I will not participate. I had not been a part of this group anyway. No one has reached out to me to be a part of for most things”
COVID 19 numbers were continually going up. The cases in the hospital in which I work were going up. As a respite from this insanity….
Eschschitzia californica 1 11/29/2020
From 11/27/2020 8031
Day after Thanksgiving. I woke up wishing J was dead. Not very loving and forgiving. And not something I am grateful to acknowledge. I just give up. He is who he is, and for the life of me, I can’t understand how & why I put up with all of this crap for as long as I have. I love him. But seriously, Whiskey Tango Foxtrot?
California Poppy
Description: A smooth, bluish-green plant with fern-like leaves, usually several stems, and often orange flowers borne singly on a long stalk; often perennial!
Flowers: 1-2″ (2.5-5 cm) wide; sepals joined into a calyptra ⅜-1½’ (104 cm) long; petals 4, fan-shaped, evenly deep orange to yellow-orange, or sometimes yellow near tips and orange near base; stamens
Leaves: Blades ¾-2½” (2-6.5 cm) long, divided Into narrow segments, on long stalks.
Fruit: Slender capsule, 1¼:4″ (3-10 cm) long, slightly curved.
Height! 8-24″ (20-60 cm)
Flowering: February-September.
Habitat: Open areas; common on grassy slopes.
Range: Southern Washington south to southern. California
Comments: On sunny days in spring, California Poppy, the state flower, often turns hillsides orange. It is a popular ornamental. Responsive to sunlight, the flowers close at night and on cloudy days. The spicy fragrance attracts mainly beetles, which serve as pollinators. Flowers produced early in the season tend to be larger than those which bloom later. There are other species in California, but none has the conspicuous pink rim at the base of the ovary.
From National Audubon Society Field Guide to Wildflowers Western Region (c) 2001 Alfred A. Knopf
Encelia californica taken 5/26/2020 1:58pm at Bolsa Chica Natural Preserve aka Wetlands
Journal Entry from May 26, 2020 7843
“OK, so here we go! Open-mindedness. I do not want to log in early to the meeting because I am tired of listening to ____’s insanity which he revels in. I resigned from my group. This is not a resentment. This is me taking care of myself. The group is acting irrationally and irresponsibly. Insanity is in charge. Self-will-run-riot on a large scale. I won’t participate in it.
I cannot in my heart go along with an action that goes against the “safer-at-home” health order. People are continually going to make decisions that go against what I believe is correct and OK, but I will not participate. I had not been a part of this group anyway. No one has reached out to me to be a part of for most things”
COVID 19 numbers were continually going up. The cases in the hospital in which I work were going up. As a respite from this insanity….
Eschschitzia californica 2 11/22/2020
Nov 21, 2020 8025
I am at work journaling, and participating in an online group by listening, I created a work of art that I didn’t think I was going to be able to create. I just did it. It’s a rose (stiletto rose of this series). FLOWERS OF COVID – that picture was taken 4/25. Now, 7 months later, there I go and here I am! Next – California poppies!
Fuchsia triphylla taken 10/21/2020 3:31pm at Rancho Los Cerritos
Journal Entry 10/18/2020
I have a need to be needed. When did that start? I don’t know. Obviously, I have been blind to my own reality for most of my life. I have not been given the gift of seeking my truth until I came into recovery. Recovery taught me that my primary purpose is to recover, and help others achieve recovery.
TPAJ, I release you. I guess I thought you were closer to me than my mind thought – so there’s my mind again. I saved you and your son thousands of dollars. I thought we were “family”. Once again, I chose my family – rejected and abused for being who I am.
I need to find out from myself what it is about me that I am doing, feeling, and thinking that attracts those in my life who only wat to use me for what they can get out of me.
I am not going to get to have a big sister in my life. So I was using her to be that big sister – and sure enough, I was rejected by her as not being family.
However, I do have WJK. I do have J, J, M &D.
Horses and dogs. I have always been a cowboy at heart. The cowboy code has always spoken to me. Judging that and rejecting that has caused me great pain. California Cowboy from Colorado. So, I let go and let god. I embrace my inner cowboy. Silk shirt – silk tie – diamond ring – these I got from my mom proved to me that I was seen by her as being valuable to her.
Fuchsia triphylla 10/23/2020
From 10/23/2020 7994
TJ, I pray for your health, wealth and happiness. I am sorry your life did not turn out well for you after treatment. I apologize for not telling you at the outset – wait – I did tell you that you could get angry with me – that I would be able to take it due to your treatment. But your treatment has ended, Now you’re just being a bitch because life isn’t going your way. It’s not my fault. And I will no longer be there for you. Your treatment is over and so is my promise to you – it has ended. You got through it. And I allowed you to take advantage of me. I did so out of some messed up idea that I was going to have sex with him. And I thought I was like family to you. Obviously not. I got to make my own Christmas gift! Wow! So thoughtful. Then you criticized me and acted like I did something messed up by asking a clarifying question. Thanks, but no thanks. I deserve better. B, I apologize for sexualizing you. And thank you for one of the best Thanksgivings I have ever had. Good luck to you both.
Pink Sorrel (Geranium Incanum)-1*
geranium incanum1 taken 4/12/2020 2:33pm on my patio
Journal Entry 4/12/2020 7800
I confronted J with his lying today. “I need you to tell me immediately when you lie to me no matter how insignificant you may think it is. Will you do that?” We’ll see.
If we have no relationship based upon rigorous honesty there can be no trust.
Aside from the things I know would be hurtful to him, and over the past 11 years there have been a few – like his extreme insecurity
- His inability to make decisions & act on them out of fear of making a mistake and looking foolish
- Like his thinking he is the best sexual partner ever – ugh this morning I thought I was going to puke he was so into himself.
These things I do not say.
I am married to an alcoholic/addict. I was working the graveyard shift full time and going to school full time and was active playing in the leather scene.
I fell in love with J immediately. Why? Because he sounded good when he shared originally. No BS. I was immediately attracted to him but did not act on it.
I continued playing. I had broken it off with MK and MA before him. I need to look at my journals before January 16, 2009. I really need to look honestly at these.
geranium incanum1 11/19/2020
Nov 21, 2020 8025
I am at work journaling, and participating in an online group by listening, I created a work of art that I didn’t think I was going to be able to create. I just did it. It’s a rose (stiletto rose of this series). FLOWERS OF COVID – that picture was taken 4/25. Now, 7 months later, there I go and here I am! Next – California poppies (Eschscholzia californica in this series)
Pink Sorrel (Geranium Incanum)-2*
geranium incanum2 taken 4/14/2020 1:33pm on my patio
Journal entry April 17, 2020
Over a month of COVID-19. Yesterday, and the day before, I had a hummingbird visit me on the porch. Last night, it was around 8pm. The day before, Wednesday, it hung around for quite a while – maybe that was Tuesday. I am thinking it was attracted to my ring. I was talking on the phone with Mom. ANYWAY< one more month of SAFER AT HOME. ABSOLUTELY SAY NOR THINK ANYTHING NEGATIVE NOR JUDGEMENTAL I miss A deeply. I have let him into my heart. RH. NL. JH. TJ. NW. MK. LT. AH. ST. WK. LA.
geranium incanum2 11/19/2020
Nov 21, 2020 8025
I am at work journaling, and participating in an online group by listening, I created a work of art that I didn’t think I was going to be able to create. I just did it. It’s a rose (stiletto rose of this series). FLOWERS OF COVID – that picture was taken 4/25. Now, 7 months later, there I go and here I am! Next – California poppies (Eschscholzia californica in this series)
Hatoria taken 4/12/2020 9:47am on my patio
Journal Entry 4/12/2020 7800
I confronted J with his lying today. “I need you to tell me immediately when you lie to me no matter how insignificant you may think it is. Will you do that?” We’ll see.
If we have no relationship based upon rigorous honesty there can be no trust.
Aside from the things I know would be hurtful to him, and over the past 11 years there have been a few – like his extreme insecurity
- His inability to make decisions & act on them out of fear of making a mistake and looking foolish
- Like his thinking he is the best sexual partner ever – ugh this morning I thought I was going to puke he was so into himself.
These things I do not say.
I am married to an alcoholic/addict. I was working the graveyard shift full time and going to school full time and was active playing in the leather scene.
I fell in love with J immediately. Why? Because he sounded good when he shared originally. No BS. I was immediately attracted to him, but did not act on it.
I continued playing. I had broken it off with MK and MA before him. I need to look at my journals before January 16, 2009. I really need to look honestly at these.
Hatoria 11/19/2020
Nov 21, 2020 8025
I am at work journaling, and participating in an online group by listening, I created a work of art that I didn’t think I was going to be able to create. I just did it. It’s a rose (stiletto rose of this series). FLOWERS OF COVID – that picture was taken 4/25. Now, 7 months later, there I go and here I am! Next – California poppies (Eschscholzia californica in this series)
Hemerocallis – Daylily
The botanical name comes from the Greek hemera (day) and kallos (beauty) because the flowers’ beauty lasts but a day, which is also why they are called “daylilies.” They were named by Linnaeus, and the names “fulva” for the tawny lily and “flava” for the lemon lily are rare instances where he named specific plants by the color of their flowers. Daylilies were used as food and medicine in China and Japan. They were dried or pickled in salt or cooked as vegetables. The flower buds of the esculenta variety were called gum toy (golden vegetable). The plants came to Europe early, possibly like rhubarb (also a medicinal plant), brought by traders along the silk routes from China. The Romans used them medicinally. The young leaves when eaten are said to be slightly intoxicating, and the Chinese had called the daylily hsuan t’sao, or the “plant of forgetfulness,” as it was supposed to help allay sorrow by causing forgetfulness. By the and worth of Mary, being “white without and gold within.” The stamens and pistils of the lilies on church altars were removed so they “remained virgin,” and Madonna lilies were always white, in spite of Pliny’s instructions for making them purple by soaking the bulbs in red wine. We still have white “Easter” lilies, and florists remove the stamens, partly (they say) to prevent pollen making a mess and partly to make the gelded blooms last longer. Actually our “Easter” lily, although white, is not the true Madonna lily but one of the Oriental lilies(which come in many colors) introduced in the nineteenth century. Ernest Wilson, called “Chinese Wilson” because he explored so extensively in China, just escaped sacrificing his life to lilies. He went twice to China, the second time in 1910, to collect the regal lily. He had gathered an enormous load of lily bulbs and was on his way home with them when his mule train was caught by an avalanche. He jumped out of his sedan chair just before it was hurled down a precipice. His leg was shattered by a falling rock. There was a mule train coming the other way, and the only way it could pass without, perhaps, causing another avalanche was for Wilson to lie on his back while more than forty mules stepped over him. He reached safety but was left with what he called a “lily limp? He died soon after when his car went over the edge of the road, not far from the Arnold Arboretum in Boston where he worked. The regal lily is white within but wine-colored outside-perhaps a symbol of our lack of true purity where plants are concerned? Cowards, or the “lily-livered; were said to have a pale white liver- the liver, with the heart, being a source of human courage. Maybe wine red, like blood red, is the color of passionate-if misplaced- bravado, like Wilson’s lying in agony on his back and counting mules’ bellies so we could have lilies in our gardens.
* 100 Flowers and how they got their names by Diana Wells Algonquin Books of Chapel Hill 1997
Hemerocallis taken 5/15/2020 2:57pm at Rancho Los Cerritos
May 15, 2020 7833
At work – it’s 7:22 a.m. I am going to do everything I can to finish the letters from S today. I can do it, if I just persist. I am reaching the end, and this is when, whenever I face the end of any project I do on my own, that I face the demon of losing interest, or coming up with some sort of excuse not to complete the project.
Hemerocallis 11/30/2020
From 11/27/2020 8031
Day after Thanksgiving. I woke up wishing J was dead. Not very loving and forgiving. And not something I am grateful to acknowledge. I just give up. He is who he is, and for the life of me, I can’t understand how & why I put up with all of this crap for as long as I have. I love him. But seriously, Whiskey Tango Foxtrot?
Hirshfeldia taken 5/26/2020 2:06pm at Bolsa Chica Natural Preserve aka Wetlands
Journal Entry from May 26, 2020 7843
“OK, so here we go! Open-mindedness. I do not want to log in early to the meeting because I am tired of listening to ____’s insanity which he revels in. I resigned from my group. This is not a resentment. This is me taking care of myself. The group is acting irrationally and irresponsibly. Insanity is in charge. Self-will-run-riot on a large scale. I won’t participate in it.
I cannot in my heart go along with an action that goes against the “safer-at-home” health order. People are continually going to make decisions that go against what I believe is correct and OK, but I will not participate. I had not been a part of this group anyway. No one has reached out to me to be a part of for most things”
COVID 19 numbers were continually going up. The cases in the hospital in which I work were going up. As a respite from this insanity….
Hirshfeldia 12/20/2020
8054
My dear Lacey Korin Jeffers Brown died in her sleep last night. Mom called me this morning. Mom also told me that she tested positive for COVID. Be mad at the disease, not your family. Be mad at T. I won’t even say his name he’s so vile.
I am the one to blame for all that I have missed out on in regards my nieces and nephews, my brothers and sisters’ lives. Sure they have their part in it as well. NO one calls me to check in on me. So….(this is a lie – M and M call me)
labelia laxiflora taken 4/12/2020 9:46am on my patio
Journal Entry 4/12/2020 7800
I confronted J with his lying today. “I need you to tell me immediately when you lie to me no matter how insignificant you may think it is. Will you do that?” We’ll see.
If we have no relationship based upon rigorous honesty there can be no trust.
Aside from the things I know would be hurtful to him, and over the past 11 years there have been a few – like his extreme insecurity
- His inability to make decisions & act on them out of fear of making a mistake and looking foolish
- Like his thinking he is the best sexual partner ever – ugh this morning I thought I was going to puke he was so into himself.
These things I do not say.
I am married to an alcoholic/addict. I was working the graveyard shift full time and going to school full time and was active playing in the leather scene.
I fell in love with J immediately. Why? Because he sounded good when he shared originally. No BS. I was immediately attracted to him, but did not act on it.
I continued playing. I had broken it off with MK and MA before him. I need to look at my journals before January 16, 2009. I really need to look honestly at these.
Lantana montevendis taken 10/21/2020 at 2:28pm at Rancho Los Cerritos
Journal Entry 10/18/2020
I have a need to be needed. When did that start? I don’t know. Obviously, I have been blind to my own reality for most of my life. I have not been given the gift of seeking my truth until I came into recovery. Recovery taught me that my primary purpose is to recover, and help others achieve recovery.
TPAJ, I release you. I guess I thought you were closer to me than my mind thought – so there’s my mind again. I saved you and your son thousands of dollars. I thought we were “family”. Once again, I chose my family – rejected and abused for being who I am.
I need to find out from myself what it is about me that I am doing, feeling, and thinking that attracts those in my life who only wat to use me for what they can get out of me.
I am not going to get to have a big sister in my life. So I was using her to be that big sister – and sure enough, I was rejected by her as not being family.
However, I do have WJK. I do have J, J, M &D.
Horses and dogs. I have always been a cowboy at heart. The cowboy code has always spoken to me. Judging that and rejecting that has caused me great pain. California Cowboy from Colorado. So, I let go and let god. I embrace my inner cowboy. Silk shirt – silk tie – diamond ring – these I got from my mom proved to me that I was seen by her as being valuable to her.
Lianthus taken 5/19/2020 2:47pm along Hwy 39 East Fork San Gabriel River
May 17, 2020 7835
Forgiveness, God is Love, gaslighting. Keeping my mouth shut. It’s 8:35 and is a beautiful day here in sunny So Cal with partly cloudy skies. I woke up around 7:30 and started making breakfast. “God is love, and he who abides in love, abides in God, and God in him.” Was going through my mind, as well as the conversation I had last night with Noah. We reached some difficulty in our conversation, and I don’t know
I am getting ready to go into the Area meeting on ZOOM. It’s going to be chaos audibly. I don’t know what that chaos does to my mind, but it does represent love – when two or more alcoholics are gathered, we got a meeting. This is the GOD – the Group of Drunks – the good orderly direction, the gift of desperation. I am so grateful to be clean and sober.
Lianthus 12/11/2020
From 11/27/2020 8031
Day after Thanksgiving. I woke up wishing J was dead. Not very loving and forgiving. And not something I am grateful to acknowledge. I just give up. He is who he is, and for the life of me, I can’t understand how & why I put up with all of this crap for as long as I have. I love him. But seriously,
Malva
Another member of the mallow family is MALVA ROSA, or ISLAND MALLOW, (Lavatera
assurgentiflora), apparently originally native on the islands off the California coast, planted on the mainland, and now abundantly escaped, at least in the south. It is a shrub or small tree, three to 12 feet high, and has large leaves two to six inches wide. The petals are one to two inches long and rose with darker veins. The illustration shows the stamens of several lengths forming a tube around the central styles. Flowers are from March to November.
“Introduction to shore wildflowers of California, Oregon, and Washington” (c) 2003 by The Regents of the University of California
Malva
Another member of the mallow family is MALVA ROSA, or ISLAND MALLOW, (Lavatera
assurgentiflora), apparently originally native on the islands off the California coast, planted on the mainland, and now abundantly escaped, at least in the south. It is a shrub or small tree, three to 12 feet high, and has large leaves two to six inches wide. The petals are one to two inches long and rose with darker veins. The illustration shows the stamens of several lengths forming a tube around the central styles. Flowers are from March to November.
“Introduction to shore wildflowers of California, Oregon, and Washington” (c) 2003 by The Regents of the University of California
Malva taken 6/17/2020 2:37pm at Rancho Los Cerritos
Journal Entry 6/17/2020
I was just going to call J F to check up on him to see if he was okay. But my real motive is I want him to become my friend so I can have sex with him. Grand fantasy. I have wanted to act out today but have no reason for doing so. So I prayed & took contrary action. I am on day two of – well I don’t know – I will have to talk to D about this tomorrow afternoon. CIRCLES.
The name “geranium” was in use long before the flowers we usually call “geraniums” were known to the West. The garden geranium or cranesbill was named by Dioscorides from the Greek geranos (a crane), referring to its long, beak-like seed pod, similar to a crane’s beak. Dioscorides listed it as a medicinal plant, and its many forms, still called “geranium,” grow in the wild and in our gardens. What the rest
of us sloppily call “geraniums,” pedantic horticulturalists and real gardeners refer to as “pelargoniums,” a genus of plants found originally in South Africa. The South African plant was first called “geranium” by Jan Commelin, director of the Hortus Botanicus in Amsterdam and one of the three Commelins for whom the day-flower was named by Linnaeus (because two were prominent, like two of the flower’s three petals, and one was inconspicuous and died “before achieving anything in Botany”). Soon geraniums started coming from the Cape in large quantities, and naming began to be a problem. In 1772 Francis Masson sent hundreds of pelargoniums back to Kew, calling them “geraniums” The director of Kew, Sir Joseph Banks, said, “We are principally indebted to Mr. Masson” for our geraniums, and indeed half of all known kinds were introduced by him. Other than this testimony, though, Masson got very little credit and suffered a great deal. He was chased through the African brush by a chain gang of escaped convicts, captured by the local militia to fight the French in Grenada, nearly killed in a hurricane off St. Lucia, and captured by French pirates on his way to North America. Eventually he made his way to Canada, where he is thought to have died on Christmas Day of 1805. He has no known grave. He did all this for a salary of one hundred pounds a year, and the only plant named after him is the massonia, a rare lily of which very few have ever heard. By 1787, when Charles Louis l’Héritier de Brutelle (see”Gloxinia”) published Geraniologia, there were so many South African geraniums that he invented a new genus for them, which he called Pelargonium. This means “stork’s beak,” from the Greek pelargos (a stork). He divided the geranium family into three: the cranesbills, which retained the name Geranium; the erodiums (from the Greek erodios, “a heron”), which are rock plants; and the pelargoniums, which are the South African geraniums. Nursery catalogs, like A. A. Milne’s dormouse, continue to call pelargoniums “geraniums” -except that the dormouse called them “geraniums (red)” and the catalogs call them “geraniums (pelargoniums)? Their proper name isn’t exactly buried in an unknown grave,
but it is seldom used, which is much the same thing.
* 100 Flowers and how they got their names by Diana Wells Algonquin Books of Chapel Hill 1997
Pelagonium xhortoram taken 10/20/2020 4:30pm unknown location
Journal Entry 10/18/2020
I have a need to be needed. When did that start? I don’t know. Obviously, I have been blind to my own reality for most of my life. I have not been given the gift of seeking my truth until I came into recovery. Recovery taught me that my primary purpose is to recover, and help others achieve recovery.
TPAJ, I release you. I guess I thought you were closer to me than my mind thought – so there’s my mind again. I saved you and your son thousands of dollars. I thought we were “family”. Once again, I chose my family – rejected and abused for being who I am.
I need to find out from myself what it is about me that I am doing, feeling, and thinking that attracts those in my life who only wat to use me for what they can get out of me.
I am not going to get to have a big sister in my life. So I was using her to be that big sister – and sure enough, I was rejected by her as not being family.
However, I do have WJK. I do have J, J, M &D.
Horses and dogs. I have always been a cowboy at heart. The cowboy code has always spoken to me. Judging that and rejecting that has caused me great pain. California Cowboy from Colorado. So, I let go and let god. I embrace my inner cowboy. Silk shirt – silk tie – diamond ring – these I got from my mom proved to me that I was seen by her as being valuable to her.
Adopted by Darius
Raphanus 1 taken 5/26/2020 2:14pm at Bolsa Chica Natural Preserve aka Wetlands
Journal Entry from May 26, 2020 7843
“OK, so here we go! Open-mindedness. I do not want to log in early to the meeting because I am tired of listening to ____’s insanity which he revels in. I resigned from my group. This is not a resentment. This is me taking care of myself. The group is acting irrationally and irresponsibly. Insanity is in charge. Self-will-run-riot on a large scale. I won’t participate in it.
I cannot in my heart go along with an action that goes against the “safer-at-home” health order. People are continually going to make decisions that go against what I believe is correct and OK, but I will not participate. I had not been a part of this group anyway. No one has reached out to me to be a part of for most things”
COVID 19 numbers were continually going up. The cases in the hospital in which I work were going up. As a respite from this insanity….
Raphanus 2 taken 5/26/2020 2:14pm at Bolsa Chica Natural Preserve aka Wetlands
Journal Entry from May 26, 2020 7843
“OK, so here we go! Open-mindedness. I do not want to log in early to the meeting because I am tired of listening to ____’s insanity which he revels in. I resigned from my group. This is not a resentment. This is me taking care of myself. The group is acting irrationally and irresponsibly. Insanity is in charge. Self-will-run-riot on a large scale. I won’t participate in it.
I cannot in my heart go along with an action that goes against the “safer-at-home” health order. People are continually going to make decisions that go against what I believe is correct and OK, but I will not participate. I had not been a part of this group anyway. No one has reached out to me to be a part of for most things”
COVID 19 numbers were continually going up. The cases in the hospital in which I work were going up. As a respite from this insanity….
Another member of the mustard family is WILD RADISH (Raphanus sativus). It bears rather showy, white or pink to purplish flowers with rose or purplish veins. A freely branched
annual, it is erect and one to three feet tall and has prominently parted lower leaves. The fruits are characteristically narrowed between the
seeds. It is a weed of vacant lots and fields,
long ago naturalized from Europe, but it grows abundantly on back beaches and adjacent areas. It may cover large areas near the shore. Jointed charlock (R.raphanistrum), with creamy yellow flowers with brown to reddish veins, generally grows with the wild radish.
Technically, only the plants with pink to purplish flowers qualify as the true wild radish. The white-flowered plants are reported to be hybrids with a blocked color gene.
“Introduction to shore wildflowers of California, Oregon, and Washington” (c) 2003 by The Regents of the University of California
Raphenus 3 taken 5/26/2020 2:27pm at Bolsa Chica Natural Preserve aka Wetlands
Journal Entry from May 26, 2020 7843
“OK, so here we go! Open-mindedness. I do not want to log in early to the meeting because I am tired of listening to ____’s insanity which he revels in. I resigned from my group. This is not a resentment. This is me taking care of myself. The group is acting irrationally and irresponsibly. Insanity is in charge. Self-will-run-riot on a large scale. I won’t participate in it.
I cannot in my heart go along with an action that goes against the “safer-at-home” health order. People are continually going to make decisions that go against what I believe is correct and OK, but I will not participate. I had not been a part of this group anyway. No one has reached out to me to be a part of for most things”
COVID 19 numbers were continually going up. The cases in the hospital in which I work were going up. As a respite from this insanity….
Ricinus taken 5/12/2020 7:46pm Dominguez Gap
May 11, 2020 7829
It’s 10:55 am and I am up in the newly remodeled studio J and I worked on last Sunday. This is our first time working together separately in the space. I am listening to Moonlight Cocktail and typing this journal. I just got off the phone with my Sistah RM, had a good cry missing John Holland Emigh Jr, who died 29 years ago tomorrow.
His sister P and I had to take him out of St. Mary against medical advice. Dr. WtF wouldn’t tell John that his liver was failing, and I had to tell him myself. His wishes were to die at home, and we heard the news on Weds or Thurs. So, 29 years ago John was in the bedroom in a hospital bed, and I was doing something like going stark raving crazy sad. The thing is I can’t remember what Saturday was like, but Sunday the day he died is as clear as a bell as if it happened yesterday.
Do not dwell on the past. We do not regret the past, nor do we wish to shut the door on it. So much confusion in this thing called recovery.
OK so back to today. I texted M and he’s going to get some lab tests done. I wish he would ask me to help him, but he doesn’t. Oh well. I texted PE, LO, CF, and posted in Long Beach Camerata’s group page. I did a little organizing, and was listening to Queen, Verdi’s Requiem, and all other sorts of songs randomly playing in my Itunes library.
Deep snot producing crying this morning. This feeling of loss has been with me for 29 years. I felt John’s spirit go through me when he died. That place will never be filled. It’s not possible because John is gone. There are other places in my heart, and one of them belongs to J. He has gone out of his way to show his love for me over the years.
It started with picking me up from school. Now Chicago’s “Make Me Smile” is playing. I am looking at three things – four things – five things – six things on my desk:
Candy Crush, Five Wishes – my “To do pile”; my book “Money Talks”, S’s Journal, and a blank cork board.
I need to prioritize. I put S’s Journal first because I have put family first on my “things to do” list. I did Aunt Evelyn’s; Sisters, M’s and now S’s letters.
I am going to just do that now, and leave the rest to go. I will run through my Things to do pile now actually so that I am not forgetting to do anything important. S’s journal can wait until I am at work later today during the slow times, which is when I have been retyping them.
I worked out for a bit – abs- calisthenics, (had to google that one), and a bit of cardio. I have two hours – actually an hour and 45 minutes before I go to work. How am I going to spend these? First things first, AA. God, I offer myself to thee, to do with me and build with me as thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do thy will. Take away my difficulties, so that they may bear witness to those I would help of thy power, thy love, and thy way of life. May I do thy will always.
I went through the working file and there’s nothing important there, however there are some projects and other things I want to keep for serendipity. Now, on to getting Student Loans paid!
Romnya coulteri taken 4/25/2020 2:21pm Santa Ana River Bike Path
Journal Entry 4/26/2020 7814
So I drove to the top of the parking structure and the art installation “SOCIAL DISTANCE” was removed. I would have removed it myself and told L this in my voice message to him. It’s okay. Gift was not received. Hello Humankindess!
I was of the understanding that Administration was for the idea because A told me the day I began installing it that he received a phone call from administration. “Someone in administration” said it was a good idea. I took that as a go-ahead. So I started installing it on Friday April 3 and completed it Easter Sunday 4/6/2020. This is the second-to-last page of this journal. I want it to contain only happy thoughts and memories:
I listed over 80 highlights of my life: of those I select these:
Kindergarten – walking home anticipating Grille cheese sandwiches and tomato soup for lunch
2nd grade class picture- pink plaid pants and pink paisley shirt with a red vest
Being friends with TG 1st – 7th grade
Catching a 10lb Wall-eyed pike on my own 10th birthday
Outstanding Bandsman APYB – 1st chair clarinet
3rd place Tennis tournament
3rd place Optimists’ award
Junior Achievement
3rd place Dramatic Interpretation Districts – “Of Mice and Men”
Banjo in “The Man Who Came to Dinner”
Record for the most cars through Drive Through at McDonalds in an hour – 52
Buying my first car on my own – 1986 Pontiac Sunbird Turbo Moving to California
Operations Manager at KDM/Weatherwise
John Holland Emigh Jr.
Gary Wayne Gibbo
Getting clean and sober and the life that recovery has rewarded me with!
Romnya coulteri 11/20/2020
11/15/2020 8019
Today was the best day since March! Truly, J and I had great sex which started yesterday & went into today (this morning). Then we put the bikes on the back of the car & drove to the Bluffs for yoga. D didn’t show up until 11:15 but that was fine. People were socially distancing for the most part, as we kept our masks on for the whole practice. There seemed to be no room left on the grass from what I could see, which is the largest group I have attended there. A gorgeous day.
Then, when it was all finished (I have to say I was very impressed with my level of flexibility since I had not practiced in a while), we got on the bikes & rode down to Belmont Shore (Argonne & 2nd) one block west of Granada for juices J wanted. Then we rode back. When we got back to the car, we heard a Dixieland band playing. It was so upbeat, it made my day!
If you are interested in these or other commissioned pieces, please contact the artist at either flowete9@flowersofcovid.com
or
All works still available from Series 1 are 4″ x 6″ as stated. If you would like a larger series of prints in any combination please let us know!
*Pieces are available by contacting The Artist
Art Box by Liezl Siojo.
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